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capnzebbieI was offered a promotion to a lead position a few days ago. This is one step below supervisor. At first I turned it down, but now I've decided to go for it. When my supervisor first talked to me about the job, I thought I didn't care about moving up in the company. The way I phrased it to my supervisor is that I wasn't sure if I wanted to move further into the company, as if I would be moving toward the inner circle of a cult. I fear indoctrination into the corporate mindset.
Just a few days ago, I didn't think of myself as ambitious, but now I realize I might be. I kept fighting with myself about the decision, thinking about how important it is for women to continue to grow into positions of leadership and then thinking but why does it have to be me?
What's really ridiculous is that what prompted me to rethink the promotion is that I found out a couple of other people are applying for it--and these are people I encouraged to apply for it because I thought I didn't want it. I'm such a twit. I realized that neither one of them will do the job as well as I would. One of the applicants isn't particularly reliable about showing up for work, and the other one is not able to work independently in the job she has now, so she probably doesn't need to move up to a position where other people will be depending upon her. I just can't inflict that on my supervisor and my co-workers. These very reasonable points only came up after some thought, though. My first reaction was, "That's MY job! You can't have it!" Hence the twitishness of CapnZebbie. I found my ambition as a byproduct of my possessiveness.
Part of the reason I wasn't sure if I wanted the job at first is that the shift is not great. I'd be working 1p-10p W Th F and 7a-4p Sa Su, which means about four hours of sleep on Friday nights and never having a weekend off (and having to tape Smallville--phthh). But I've given it more thought, and I've realized that if I take this job I'll be in a good position to apply when a lead with better shift comes up.
The thing that really decided it for me, though, was thinking about where I see myself in the future. I don't see myself in the job I'm in now. There is a woman with whom I work who has been with the company for twenty years, and she's in the same job I'm in now. It's the same job she's had for twenty years. There's nothing wrong with that, really; she has found her level of contentment. I just can't see myself doing that. I'm still not sure if I want to move further into the company, but I know I don't want to stay in the same place. So, I suppose I have to go somewhere. Up, in, whatever. And I might as well get on with it now, when I have this opportunity.
I constantly strive to improve myself, to change for the better, but I've always thought of it as more of a spiritual quest. I've never associated self-improvement with career advancement. I'm not sure if moving further into the company will make me a better person, but maybe I can help make the company a better company. It's already pretty decent or I wouldn't be able to stand working for it.
I just called my supervisor and told him I was going to apply for the position. He's very happy that I've made this decision. When we first talked about it, he told me that if I applied, I'd be 99.9% sure to get it. We talked a little this evening about the other two people applying and he said that if they were his only options he would have stayed leadless for a while. He really wants me to have this job, which makes me feel good. I'm comfortable with my decision. This has been a difficult five days to be inside my head. I'm glad it's done.
Just a few days ago, I didn't think of myself as ambitious, but now I realize I might be. I kept fighting with myself about the decision, thinking about how important it is for women to continue to grow into positions of leadership and then thinking but why does it have to be me?
What's really ridiculous is that what prompted me to rethink the promotion is that I found out a couple of other people are applying for it--and these are people I encouraged to apply for it because I thought I didn't want it. I'm such a twit. I realized that neither one of them will do the job as well as I would. One of the applicants isn't particularly reliable about showing up for work, and the other one is not able to work independently in the job she has now, so she probably doesn't need to move up to a position where other people will be depending upon her. I just can't inflict that on my supervisor and my co-workers. These very reasonable points only came up after some thought, though. My first reaction was, "That's MY job! You can't have it!" Hence the twitishness of CapnZebbie. I found my ambition as a byproduct of my possessiveness.
Part of the reason I wasn't sure if I wanted the job at first is that the shift is not great. I'd be working 1p-10p W Th F and 7a-4p Sa Su, which means about four hours of sleep on Friday nights and never having a weekend off (and having to tape Smallville--phthh). But I've given it more thought, and I've realized that if I take this job I'll be in a good position to apply when a lead with better shift comes up.
The thing that really decided it for me, though, was thinking about where I see myself in the future. I don't see myself in the job I'm in now. There is a woman with whom I work who has been with the company for twenty years, and she's in the same job I'm in now. It's the same job she's had for twenty years. There's nothing wrong with that, really; she has found her level of contentment. I just can't see myself doing that. I'm still not sure if I want to move further into the company, but I know I don't want to stay in the same place. So, I suppose I have to go somewhere. Up, in, whatever. And I might as well get on with it now, when I have this opportunity.
I constantly strive to improve myself, to change for the better, but I've always thought of it as more of a spiritual quest. I've never associated self-improvement with career advancement. I'm not sure if moving further into the company will make me a better person, but maybe I can help make the company a better company. It's already pretty decent or I wouldn't be able to stand working for it.
I just called my supervisor and told him I was going to apply for the position. He's very happy that I've made this decision. When we first talked about it, he told me that if I applied, I'd be 99.9% sure to get it. We talked a little this evening about the other two people applying and he said that if they were his only options he would have stayed leadless for a while. He really wants me to have this job, which makes me feel good. I'm comfortable with my decision. This has been a difficult five days to be inside my head. I'm glad it's done.
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Date: 2004-06-02 09:39 pm (UTC)I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the position. I'm sure you will. :)
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Date: 2004-06-18 09:04 am (UTC)Congratulations on the new puggle! I hope all the vet help and LJ advice make things better for both of you soon.